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July 19th, 2009
02:14 am - Once more, once more, to go to sea once more...
In scant hours, we wend our way to Bal'mer harbor, hun, to sail into the unknown eastern seas.
We expect pink sand in our shorts and an unending supply of shrimp as big as our heads...oh, and lots of whatever it is they drink in those far off lands.
Stories and lies to follow
Current Music: Kranski's " Die Kröte Sommerlich Abenteuer " Ein Idylle
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July 13th, 2009
03:07 pm - A Shore Thing
Drake, PyrateLady and your most obedient corespondent had a nice job in Cambridge, Md. over the weekend. While this involved crossing the very same skinny Bay Bridge that I vowed to avoid after the 4th of July gigue, it was worth the danger and angst.
We played a party for a very large auto dealer chain. I’m not giving their name out of respect for their privacy. If I did, it would wow you local folks. That much is crystal clear.
The event was at an upscale resort that we could not enter as patrons. Our backdrop was a stunning view of the Choptank River at sunset. Ospreys, Great Blue Heron and turkey vultures wheeled majestically overhead. There were crabcakes crabs, steaks, refreshing umbrella drinks, Hawaiian shirts, a DJ for us to compete with...and did I mention crabcakes?
We were also joined by our ol’ pal Mike Rosman. He was wrangling hermit crabs, while throwing knives at the children to amuse the parents.
It was actually a very pleasant gigue. We only really played for about 40 minutes, then drifted around annoying the guests and stealing their half-eaten food. The DJ was a nice young guy who played reggae, and Buffett songs. We did street work and played along to the DJ where inappropriate.
As we furiously played our little shanties, one of the guys slapped a “Hello, My Name Is:” tag on me. I couldn’t read it until we finished the tune…
” Hello
My Name Is:
FreeCreditReport.Com”
My only disappointment was that I failed to make a small boy cry by mocking his clothing…damned willful brat! I’ll get him next time.
They are clearly a tight family organization; da’ luv, we could feel it. Everybody was just great. The massed group wept bitter tears as we slunk into the night; and they barely mentioned all the crabcakes that PyrateLady and Drake had stuffed into their pants.
On another matter. I had a chance to dine with some friends and a nice Australian singer named Danny Spooner. He was a friend of Harry Robertson, who wrote several Australian songs I perform on ocassion. Danny told me all the ways that the folks I learned the songs from had pissed off Harry by not performing the pieces precisely as written. TeeHee. Arrangements happen.
We all had a good time comparing notes on "les vie musicienne".
I can heartily recommend the restaurant where we chatted...Samantha's, in lower Silver Spring. They serve Mexican and Central American food. Everything was fresh!.
YUM.
Current Music: Kranski"s "Die Kröte Und Geier " ein musikalisch Gespräch"
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01:31 pm - Why I Sometimes Have To Teach The English How To Write- ( semi- NSFW)
The BBC news website, normally a bastion of brain in a sea of stupid, changed the presentation of acronyms on their website a bit ago. Some upper management wonks there decided that if an acronym could be PRONOUNCED like a word, then they would SPELL it like a word.
Thus NASA becomes "Nasa" and FICA becomes "Fica"; while the FBI and IRS do not become "Fbi" and "Irs".
I wrote to the editorial staff last year and found out that the fellow who wrote the story I first saw the change in THINKS THAT IT'S A REALLY STUPID CHOICE, AND HE WANTS TO BLUDGEON THOSE WHO FORCED IT ON HIM.
a small example of why I want to help him with the bludgeoning
It seems that "Asbo" is an BBC-ized English legal acronym for Anti-Social Behavior Order, ASBO.
It may just be me, but doesn't the phrase," breaching an Asbo" sound much like the sort of activity leading to the original charges?
Current Music: I. Kranski's "Die Raging Kröte " ein Menuett in drei Teile
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July 10th, 2009
01:25 pm - LJ Not What It's CRACKED Up To Be
You may find this mostly amusing
Teehee
Now see the empowered women of LJ take their vengence on the evil editors of CRACKED magazine
I particularly like the devouring of the evil pink meteorite. That, and the really big tree-throwing...Oh, I liked the really big treefrog, too.
Shucks, she's so dreamy, I could almost forget that she's named ZsaZsa.
Current Music: Kranski's " Lied des Lachend Kröte " Ein Lied
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July 8th, 2009
04:41 pm - The Way Things REALLY are:
You also don't hear cute music while this is happening
Current Music: Kranski's " die Kröte In Honig Polkas " Sommerlich Tanz
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July 7th, 2009
12:08 pm - The Fourth Voyage of Skivee- Lots To Celebrate *** Now With More Greyhounds!***
The pleasant folks who run the schooners Woodwind I&II repeated their previous errors and asked for some music on their July 4th evening tour of the bay.
This is a Ship's Company gigue that I have horned in on over the last several years.
Rushing out to our state capitol nearly on time, I arrived at an Annapolis municipal parking lot, wedged myself into the creeping line, reached for my wallet...and found a curious lack of walletude against my ass. I had left it on the bed when I changed clothes. Yes, I change clothes.
The very nice attendant let me into the lot on promise of repaymnt by one of my mates in spite of the fact that I was obviously a folk musician.
Over the next 15 minutes I found that ESSENTIALLY NO SPACES REMAINED OPEN IN THE LOT. The sole exception was one space marked off for the exclusive use of the mayor of Annapolis. Even I am smart enough to know that using that one would not have ended well.
Folks were paying the fee, driving around the lot for a bit, then leaving by the parking structure's only exit on the other side of the lot. I don't know if they got their fivers back. Annapolis's 17th century street layout is not condusive to tooling around the block.
Didn't PT Barnum do the same thing at his museum?..."This Way To The Fabulous Egress".
Myron came to my aid and we repaired to a super-secret free parking area available only to the cool kids.
We soon were tossing back fine ales on Myron's coin.
Myron and I manned the shanty-singing station on the WWI while the lovely and talented Dallas and Rachael manned and womanned the WWII.
This was a much quieter tour of duty(teehee) mostly because of the absence of EXTROVERTED WOMAN from last year's trip. Small favors, we are grateful for them.
Winds were light, temps cool,the sky was kinda overcast. This made for rather tame sailing. We didn't even get our feet wet. We moseyed out to the Bay Bridge and back. The bridge looks muuuuuuuuuuch thinner from underneath. Skinny and insubstantial and shakey and...remind me never to drive on the Bay Bridge again. Yikes.
We were buzzed by stupid expensive speedboat drivers. Sadly, Coast Guard regs demanded that we leave our weapons on shore. We had to make do with the occasional "Hawaiian Good Luck Sign" hand gesture.
The passengers were nice. They asked several questions about the songs, leading to informative discussions in both directions...and a good time was had by all.
There was a brief contest between the two Woodwinds to see which boat could best slaughter our national anthem, then we headed to our mooring for the fireworks.
Our Captain Jenn was reluctant to park the boat too near the firing barge. Previous experience in washing spent gunpowder spluge off white decking had taught her well. We ended up dropping anchor a prudent distance away.
Kaboom! FlashBang! RumbleThumpBoomCrack!
One-half hour later we made our retina-burned way back to the dock for the long journey home.
As a final blessing of liberty and freedom, we did not receive a parking ticket for using the secret parking space...I LOVE THIS COUNTRY!!!
On another matter:
Few of my women friends will be aware of Cracked magazine. Back in the dimly remembered 1970s it was a cheap rip-off of the more famous humor rag, Mad magazine. Well, Cracked has gone on to become the most dynamic source of scholarly humorous information on the Intrawebs.
Behold the following about how a Greyhound was instrumental in the formation of the Church of England:
http://www.cracked.com/article_17507_p2.html Some NSFW language is contained herein
It is my belief that the dumbass Greyhound just thought that the Pope was a rabbit.
Current Music: I Kranski's Minuet in D#m "Die Kröte und Die SeeHund "
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June 27th, 2009
12:46 pm - A weekend of Embarassment, Majesty, Charity and Wallabies
PyrateLady and I stood in as members of the Ship's Company Shantymen over the past weekend. The occasion was the 375th birthday of the State of Maryland. The event was in our first state capital, St. Mary's City. I headed down with Drake and Janie, who would be Calico Jack-ing.
Janie began peppering me with demands in my half-awake state that I rewrite "Maryland , My Maryland. The 1863 lyrics are famously pro-rebel and anti-Federalist. I rattled off some of my typical doggerel and fell asleep with my face mashed against a bodhran case.
Stephen and Myron were setting gear up when we arrived at the ungodly hour of 9 am. I promptly repaired to the "Green Room tent" attached like a tick to the side of the main tent to spend the next several hours retuning in the high humidity.
Some friends from the Kalmer Nyckel arrived just as the actual ceremony was beginning some 150 feet away. I started quietly singing a silly song to one of the crew, when a couple of guys rushed over to shut me the hell up.
It seems that the acouistic properties of the side tent were such that my quiet guitar and dulcette voice were CLEARLY being heard on stage...D'OH!
A tent wall was rearranged to reduce the problem...they crammed it into my throat until the ceremony was over.
Janie and Drake were soon doing their duo bit and eventually got to the rewrite of the state anthem. I was startled to hear them singing my new verse:
Our state song needs a modern page
Maryland, My Maryland
To guide us toward a modern age
Maryland, my Maryland.
The words are mean, and quite uncouth
unsuited for adult or youth
Unless you agreed with John Wilkes Booth
Maryland, My Maryland
Listeners were then thankfully asked to write other new verses. Though I didn't hear any of their efforts, I hope that my co-recomposers were able to maintain the level of grandeur that I had established.
Back in our little tent Myron and I sang The Star Spangled Banner to the tune of the Soviet National Anthem for a very confused co-performer.
Our 1 1/4 hour performance was sandwiched neatly around several violent thunderstorms at the end of the day. We played an amusing panache of ship's Company and PR favorites for the sweaty folks massed under our big dry tent.
As soon as we were done the storms blew away, the sun came out, and singing birds filled the sky. Once again, the sky-gods mock me. We packed our gear and slunk away.
The next day I was able to visit the NCL Majesty in Baltimore harbor. Adam and I like the boat. It's a bit snugger than the CCL Valor, but without the chintziness.
We were given a very nice lunch and facilities overview. Adam found a perfect viewing area behind the stack for our scheduled stargazing.
I tooled down to McGinty's pub in Silver Spring for a fundraiser. Our friend Severn Savage was recovering from Chemo, but in the process burned himself badly in a cooking accident. He's had skin grafts and such over the last few months, and is now getting around. A huge crowd of folkies from FSGW and the DC shanty community got together for songs and drink. Money was raised for the lad, and many jokes were made at his expense. We are glad that he is progressing again.
And This Non-Michael Jackson Item From BBC World News:
Now with 35% more Stoned Wallaby Crop Circles!
Current Music: Kranski's Opus#12A "Die Kröte und Die Stürmen" als Klavier und Tuba
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June 25th, 2009
01:09 pm - Fading Icons
I heard that production of Kodachrome film has been ended.
The march of digital technology made this inevitable. It’s one of the reasons that I got out of commercial photolab work years ago. I could hear the advancing boots of progress. I was a quality control expert in most B/W, Color Negative and transparency processes.
The K-12/ K-14 process is the only major system I never ran. It was the most complex process for turning silver and cow’s hide into purty pitchers. You could not process it by hand. The machine was many meters longs, involved exact timing of lights to come on INSIDE the machine and literally required chemical engineers to keep in control.
Some of my favorite photos were shot on Kodachrome:
A row of trees silently stand sentry over the dead of the Punchbowl National Cemetery
Two USAF Thunderbirds, frozen for a moment. One, upside down, hovers over the other. Their red, white, and blue forms split the air like knives.
A Hawaiian rainbow washes across a telephoto scene of beautiful homes on distant lush volcanic slopes
A group of chocolate-skinned boys row bright skiffs near our ship; they will dive for coins that we throw. Their oars leave behind expanding white billows in the impossibly cobalt water
At summer Karate camp, Ken’s left eye looks like a plum
Tiny lemon yellow slime mold fruiting bodies peek out between gray weathered planks of a nature trail
Elaine reclines in a broad field of yellow grass. She turns away from the camera, towards the tree line. Her pose is an obvious imitation of “Christina’s World” by Wyeth. Her red-checked flannel shirt is warm in the sun. If you try hard enough, you can smell her hair.
We look down from a balcony of the East Wing Gallery There are fours levels. A statue by Matisse, a Miller sculpture, Picasso peaks from a dark subterranean recess. The flooring is rose granite, subtly crosshatched in long triangles. Overhead, a massive orange Caulder mobile gracefully floats.
Only Dwayne’s Photo Lab in the Mid-west will be processing the dwindling supply. Sometime within two years the machines will stop.
This is a bit like hearing your favorite neighbor has died The one with the big laugh and a sneaky sense of humor; the one that flew a Navy fighter in the big war…you know, like Ed MacMahon.
Icon of the second banana, performer, pitchman, show producer, Carson’s best audience. A long life cut short too soon.
In their own ways, they were both Semper Fi.
Current Music: Kranski's Pop Rock Experiment:"Kroten-Chrome"
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June 1st, 2009
03:25 pm - VARF Larfs And Other Musical Matters
We had a predictably fine time at VARF this weekend. VARF management decided not to order the tradition "PRs are visiting/Air-Temps-In-The-Lower-Thousands" site decoration option. This put me in a better mood for stealing food from the greyhounds. We were only dampened by one rain shower, and the sky was blue for much of the weekend.
The site continues to be improved through the hard work of cast and crew. You have to admire the spirit of these dedicated people.
I got to flirt with the queen on Saturday. My jealous bandmates prevented me from singing more than 3 verses of my extemporaneous composition," The Queen, She Is So Lovely". It's sad when your crew are too ignorant to recognize true art.
Our friends Ruth and Ron made the trek up from NC to see us and the fair. It's always a pleasure to see them. They made for good company at dinner later. Sorry about the salsa incident.
Bobba DaVinci, the Mad Mechanicals, and the lovely Sashenka were also on site, but we weren't allowed near them because of national security concerns.
It was VARF's Pirate Invasion Weekend, and we were supplanted in our caterwauling by Letter of Marque, Calico Jenny, and Pirates For Sale. I wonder how long it will be before someone realizes that between the four groups, we actually only sang five different songs all day. The trick is to do "Drunken Sailor", for instance, in 3/4, 4/4, as a polka, waltz, Tango, modulate to different keys, tempos, and languages. Pretty soon, you've filled up the dance-card.
There are just two more weeks to visit the fair, so you best get down and see them
In Other Music News:
Ancient Horn Recreated
The link has been problematical
In case you can not read the BBC text, I'll just say that you would have read about a project to recreate a Roman ceremonial horns, the Lituus, that has not existed since about 1800. This would seem like a wonderful application of modern technology to reclaim the music of the past, until you actually click on the provided sound sample link... the sound clip"
...and listen to these honking monstrosities ruining the background of a perfectly good choral piece by Bach.
_Plus Also:
Who says that games don't train you for the real world?"
Current Music: I. Kranski's "Kröte Furze : ein Studiert als Alt Ehern Hörner"
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May 15th, 2009
02:27 am - Erps. I Meant To Post This Two Weeks Ago
Winter is officially over. Tonight I saw...a firefly.
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I've seen a few more since then, as well as seeing some glow-worms.
Blinking trees can't be far behind.
Current Music: Kranski's 'Die Quelle Kaulquappe und Die Moskito Larven "- Ein Liebt
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May 12th, 2009
10:48 pm - TMI...Lengthwise
We have been very busy pyrates over the last few weeks, both collectively and singley.
( Read more about the exciting lives of the Pyrates!!! )
The Captain and his Lovely and talented Lady will be diving into the Virginia Renaissance Fair this weekend. I am confident that a great time will be had by all.
Molly, Mr. Fairbanks, and I will be joined by 4-eyed Pete, of the Ship’s Company Shantymen in Upper Marlboro for a Pirate Invasion on May 23rd. Check the schedule page at the website for the fine details.
Current Music: Kranski's " die Kröte Lied Über Salzen Und Sprühen " Ein Oratorium
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April 16th, 2009
April 6th, 2009
03:15 pm - Life Is Strange
Most of us Pyrates did a job last night at the Gaylord Plaza at the National Harbor complex south of DC. The Gaylord is huge. (I'm chortling at the Freudian interpretation of that sentence.) The main hallway was about 800ft. end to end.
We were background music for a convention of computer administrators. This was the big final party at the end of the convention for the 1,000 or so attendees. We were kept at a respectful 50 foot distance from the crowd by set dressing reminiscent of the Maginot Line. The stage covered most of one wall of the hall; we were little tiny pirate spots in a sea of black curtains. Still, it was fun to have a big sound set-up and highly skilled techs working to make us sound good.
We were joined by several squads of street performers; jugglers, sword-swallowers, stilt-walkers, hula-hoop spinners. Just before we began our handlers became concerned that some of our songs might have rude words in them. We assured them that we only perform spiritually uplifting songs that promote a life of sobriety, good works, simplicity, and chastity.
None of this is the strange part. The strange begins if one considers the items cooked up for the recent April Fools Day. In particular, the sad news of the departure of our baton twirlers, Bob Trample and Cindy Markler, after only one year.
As we played on our huge black-curtained stage, it seems that our stage managers decided that we could use more flash. Soon we were joined on stage by the Hula-hoop and electric Poi- spinning street performers. So there we were, actually performing as the moral equivalent of "Pirates Royal Plus Two". Is it a flash-back if you are envisioning events that never happened? Where's my Thorzine bottle?
One of them nearly put my eye out with a errant Hula-hoop. The only reasons this didn't happen were 1) my cat-like reflexes, 2) the fact that hula-hoops have no sharp eye-stabby points, and 3), the hoop of doom landed many yards away from me. They flung their LED encrusted blinky Poi thingees around us, but we played on...because that's the way we roll. We're all about the bravery. We and the Hoopers got a good laugh about it later.
We got paid very well, treated well, the evening was relatively short, and several folks even listened to us. I could be convinced to do more gigues like this.
Current Music: Kranski's " die Kröte und die Schlagen über Todesfall " Ein Lied Fahrrad
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April 1st, 2009
03:29 pm - Official Retraction Of Pyrates Royale Spring Notes
It now appears that little to none of the information about the MDRF moving to Gettysburg is correct; and it may well have just been some kind of misunderstanding. Where we heard,” The Md. Fair is going to move to Gettysburg next year”, what was actually said was, ”The National Park Service will be refurbishing Eisenhower’s Gettysburg retirement cottage and updating the electric map of the battle next year.”
Please stop calling and e-mailing the office to check for more details. This would take valuable time away from the construction of the torture devices they are building to use on us. If you have cut and pasted to other websites, please retract your posts.
We are terribly embarrassed. We pride ourselves on my journalistic standards. A quick scan back at previous PR Spring Notes will attest to a very consistent level of accuracy; but even we can be mislead by well-meaning speculation.
That being said, all of the other information in the release is pretty-much 100% guaranteed.
Well, maybe 70%.
Current Music: Kranski's #235 " die Kröte und die Wahrheit " Ein Moralität Stück
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March 31st, 2009
05:20 am - Pyrates Royale Spring News and Notes
for release on March 32
The Pyrates Royale will be following the examples of many popular fair acts by franchising the band in diferent locations. We are forming auxiliary performing troupes for the Pacific-Northwest, and southern regions, drawing on the talented ex-members of the recently disbanded “Them Seattle Shanty Boys” and, “LeFete’s Breakfast” from the gulf coast.
This will allow us to maximize our fan base and product placement. The bands will be differentiated as The Red (original), Blue (PNW), or Green (Gulf) Pyrates Royale troupes. RPR, GPR and BPR; and will also be the primary artists featured on our online site,National Pyrate Radio, or NPR.
As you may have heard, the MDRF will be moving to the newly acquired location in Gettysburg immediately after the 2009 season. MDRF's current access difficulties should be a thing of the past. The site is just outside the battlefield park grounds on Rt.15; right across the street from the Picket’s MasterCharge Shopping Mall. The Fair will probably be getting more tour groups for this reason. There is some talk of staging battles between English Civil War and American Civil war reenactors, but this still has to be approved by park officials.
The newly renamed Southern-Pennsylvania Maryland Renaissance Festival (SPMDRF) should be a huge step forward. Many new features will be available to patrons and performers alike (paved paths, tram trolleys, buffet dining, game arcades, and for the kids... ye olde go-carte jousting); but we won’t reveal more because we don’t want to preempt official announcements from the office. In any case, we’re sure there will be lots for festival fans to get excited about!
Creative differences involving costumery have made it sadly impossible to continue our relationship with our Baton twirling duo,
Cindy Merkler and Bob Trample
As you know, they have been performing with us for the last year as “The Pyrates Royale Plus Two”.
We wish them all the best in their future endeavors as “The Ships Company Shantymen Plus Two”.
Also be sure to place your orders early for the new band pendant. This year’s offering is a stylized cannon bas relief with the words “Love Those PR Wankers” stamped into the brass balls. Quantities will be extremely limited. The order number on the website merchandise page will be: #PR-1L-FL
Current Music: Kranski's" die Kröte Lied Über Quelle "ein spät Mars Marsch
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March 24th, 2009
05:59 pm - NEWS FLASH: COLBERT WINS NASA NAME VOTE
NASA asked for submissions to name a module on the International Space Station a while back. Comedy Central show host Stephen Colbert commanded his minions to vote to name it after him. Over 230,000 of his zombies slaves followed his evil dictates. Now he's won!
Colbert Wins ISS Naming Contest
My own nomination for the multi-windowed observation module, "Vista", has been soundly defeated by both "Colbert" and the Joss Whedon contingent vote of "Serenity".
Not that I am bitter. That fact that MY zombie slaves have failed me will have nothing to do with the reduction in gruel rations that they will be subjected to in the coming weeks. It's just an unintended consequence of the increasingly difficult gobal economy.
Now it's time to put aside personal differences and move forward toward a bright new tomorrow.
Current Music: I. Kranski's "Die Kröte Lied Des Herb Sterne" Ein volksleid
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March 21st, 2009
10:39 pm - To Cleanse The Collective Palete...
...after that last unfortunate post.
Two glowing ovoids dancing in a sea of galaxies
Anything you infer from this image or the discriptor in on you. I just thought it was a nice image.
See the enlaged view.
For those of you who know who you are, Stop That.
Current Music: IK's" die Kröte Lied Fürs Frühlingshaft Tagundnachtgleiche " ein Lyrisch Menuett
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March 19th, 2009
March 17th, 2009
05:36 am - On This Special Day
This always brings a tear to my eye
An olde Irish saying:
If you die with a jar of potcheen in your hand, the smell of peat smoke in your nose,a Kerry polka in your ears, and a shamrock in your heart, then it was probably the shamrock that killed you.
Current Music: I Kranski's "Die Kröte Jene Schüttelt Die Gerste "
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March 16th, 2009
01:07 pm - PR Cruise News AND Sumpin Jus Ain't Right With Them Russians
Our travel agent, Adam, has told me that the we only have 10 cabins left in our block for the Bermuda cruise; and that those cabin will only be available until THIS FRIDAY. So if you are thinking of joining our merry band in Bermuda, you'd best contact Adam at:
http://www.greenbelttravel.com/
301-474-1300
1-800-695-0317
Inner cabin: $1325
ocean view cabin: $1525
for details and stuff
We will be having a wonderful time with many fun activities.
If you miss the trip, we will miss you...and we will mock you.
In other news, Sumpin Jus Ain't Right With Them Russians.
They are a strange people, much like West Virginians or sheet metal workers.
This illustrates the point
Current Music: I. Kranski's " die Kröte und Huhn Polkas " Ein Volkstanz
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